We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
