OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
