2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
