Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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