One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
