So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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