i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
