I am puke
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
