Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How does one acquire holy water?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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