Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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