I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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