About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
