i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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