Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
