i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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