Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
