OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
