my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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