yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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