weddingsv make me drug and hornr
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
