P.S. I can't hear my feet
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
