Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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