omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
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