Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
