Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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