i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
