The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
