Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
