I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
