if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
