First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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