well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i came on her dog
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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