Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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