ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize