she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My liver just had a heart attack.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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