Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
