remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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