Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
