if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i permit you to call me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't turn off my feet"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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