yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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