I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
