I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
