you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
