u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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