Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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