I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
