I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
