I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
