Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
