i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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