They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
