did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
