he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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