I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
