2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
