I hate your face
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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