I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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