Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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