Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
