Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
