So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
