Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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