My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Randomize
