their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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