How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
